My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
