I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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