I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
