belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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