remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize