He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
