his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
