I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My vagina is very pro this idea
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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