paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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