the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize