'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
