So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
