my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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