She is in my trunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I want a musical about memes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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