I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dicks are not precious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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