she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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