Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
