he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
