White coat. Heels.
i was born a porn star she said
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
