Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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