My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
