she was so not down for the gang bang
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
