I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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