If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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