getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We were destined to go to rehab together
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize