You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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