I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
