apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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