Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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