i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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