u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
