Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
