it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
