Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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