his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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