I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
