hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
