we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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