I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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