there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
