This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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