my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dick very happy bro
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
