the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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