covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
