Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
