In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
