Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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