My sheets look like a crime scene.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
