gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My bed smells like the plague
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
