Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
