dude i'm inner monologue high
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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