i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
