walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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