I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
