Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
