it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
