Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I would fuck him just for his dog
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize