May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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