I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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