I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
