but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
