somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
