Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
