bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
