If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
