Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
