I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize