Do vagina's smell?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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