You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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