the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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