i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
